Some jokes to brighten your day!‏

Some jokes to brighten your day...

> Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about
> what had happened in the past.
> Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
> Teacher: Why?
> Student: There is no future in it.
> .................................................................
>
> Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
> would your father still have?
> Ted: $10.
> Teacher: You don't know maths.
> Ted: You don't know my father!
> ........................................... ..........................
>
> Mother: David, come here.
> David: Yes, mum?
> Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
> David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
> Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
> scolding you now.
> ......................................................................
>
> Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
> Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
> Father: So?
> Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
> If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
> .....................................................................
>
> A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
> Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
> breaking plates,
> Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
> Daughter: It's mummy!
> Father: How do you know?
> Daughter: She didn't say anything.
> ......................................................................
>
> Girl: Do you love me?
> Boy: Yes Dear
> Girl: Would you die for me?
> Boy: No, mine is undying love
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Man: How old is your father?
> Boy: As old as me
> Man: How can that be?
> Boy: He became a father only when I was born
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
> Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
> ------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
> your?/FONT>brother's. Did u copy his?
> Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
> Son: That's why I say she's no good!
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher: "Where were u born?"
> Student: " Malaysia , Sir."
> Teacher: "Which part?"
> Student: "All of me, Sir."
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
> 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
> "Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
> "'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and
> 'ill-egal' is a sick eagle."
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
> Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
> Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
> Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> A boy came home from school with his exam results.
> "What did u get?" asked his father.
> "My marks are under water," said the boy.
> "What do u mean 'under water'?"
> "They are all below 'C' level"